Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
