I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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