When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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