I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have post one night stand depression
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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