Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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