ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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