# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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