So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
