I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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