trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
