You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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