Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
