I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
