3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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