Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
