I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
