Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
