I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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