the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
did i just pee glitter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
