Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
