bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
