We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
