Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
