My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
