I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
