So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i came on her dog
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
