I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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