Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
