Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
