ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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