I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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