He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
