It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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