It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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