Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
