I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
