I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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