I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
