I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
