I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
