you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
