who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
