'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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