he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
