i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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