your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
