The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
