Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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