he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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