please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
