I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
