He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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