i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
