Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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