I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
