Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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