She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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