i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
