Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize