see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
