I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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