I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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