it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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