Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
