Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
