How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
