But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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