So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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