I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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