Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
