I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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