so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
